Online dating is no longer something you self-consciously whisper to your friends and family. Lots of women have met amazing boyfriends or husbands after diving into the world of online dating and dating apps. Dating rules have been rewritten, which is true even more so now due to the coronavirus pandemic, and the amount of time we are all having to spend at home social distancing. Hardworking professionals who never had time to go out and meet prospects before coronavirus, now have the time, but cannot even have a proper outing and meet people.
The success of your online dating pursuits will depend on your attitude and approach. If you think you’re going to match up with your Prince Charming while sitting back and waiting for messages to come to you, then you’ll be waiting for a long time!
We all know that people behave differently online than in person. Men and women can hide more easily behind their screens, making it difficult to read their body language, given you can’t usually see their bodies!
I created this guide as part of my lifestyle playbook, to help you be successful in meeting that special someone or getting that date! Yes yes, I have some experience in this area… (pre-marrying my Blue)
Let’s get right into it! Here are what I consider to be the most essential online dating tips:
Have the Right Mindset
You have to have the right mindset before you start dating online. Don’t look down on online dating and say “oh there is no one for me on there, I went on and it’s just not for me.” You have to accept that people are very busy and do not always have time to meet people out and about. Yes there are some people online who are only looking for short term relationships, but there are also busy executives who have to date online because they have no time to waste going out just to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right. On the same token, you cannot expect to meet Mr. Right on day one. You have to give it time and give it a real chance.
Don’t Be So Picky
Yes you can be picky, yes you can have a list of qualities you are wishing for, but do not be so picky. Mr. Right will not be Mr. Perfect. There will always be qualities that you do not like within one person. Instead of having a drink or dinner by yourself, go out with someone and learn from the experience.
Plot Your Own Course
When you like someone, instead of sitting back and playing defense, plot your own course. You need to have a go-getter attitude in order to meet a quality man. Be fearless. When you make bold moves and are courageous, you will align with a man who matches those qualities and respects you. Being proactive while looking for a partner online will save you a great deal of time (and headache) throughout the process. Having said that, if your intention and attention are not reciprocated, “KIM” (Keep It Moving).
Avoid Messaging Too Much
Oftentimes, people end up sending each other tons of messages back and forth for weeks before meeting in person. That is the wrong move. First, get on the phone and then facetime as soon as you can. The sooner you know if he is your type, the better! If that goes well, meet for coffee. Baby steps are okay.
Men who are most reluctant to meet in person are generally the ones who write the most eloquent prose messages. It turns out, those are the kinds of men who are usually the shiest and most awkward in person. Keep your messages short and sweet, then after a few messages invite them to grab a cup of coffee, if it takes too long to meet up, it will most likely always be that way, so KIM. If you do start dating, don’t just have a relationship over text messaging. Make sure you speak often. Some of the best relationships develop through phone conversations.
Identify the Mind Game Players
You will occasionally come across a man who is into playing mind games over and over again. They may either be an actual psychopath, narcissist or simply someone who lacks emotional intelligence. If you ever notice a guy “teasing” you or challenging you in some way, it’s a sign to run the other way. There is nothing that you need to prove to anyone. Only people with bad intentions would want you to feel uncomfortable and defensive.
You can simply ignore them, delete their messages, and move on. Report or block them if they are especially inappropriate. Don’t give your energy away to people like that.
Expect High Standards, But Don’t Demand Them
I’ve seen this one far too often. Some women love to write that they are princesses that need to get taken out to the best restaurant on their first date and be shown chivalry. These sorts of demands can steer great men away from you because they won’t see it as you being classy and secure. You should definitely have high standards for a man, but avoid demanding them in your profile or when you speak.
If you are unsure as to how you’re coming across in how you describe yourself on your profile, have one of your male or female friends look it over for you and try to guess what type of guy they think you’ll attract with it.
If you are truly looking for a man who you can have a deep connection with, you have to tell the truth. If you lie on your profile and say that you like something when you actually don’t, traveled somewhere you haven’t, or put up photos of you from 30 pounds or 30 years ago, don’t expect the good ones to come around for a second date.
When your profile is a close reflection of what a guy would see in real life, you will have more success in meeting men who actually like you for who you really are.
Being rigid in what you will reject a guy over, especially when it’s something insignificant in the grand scheme of things, will make it harder for you to meet an authentically great guy. Mentally consider straight-up deal-breakers vs. smaller self-imposed “rules” that are usually pretty benign. For example, you may have a rule in your mind that you never kiss a guy on the first date, but if you don’t kiss a guy who you adore on that first date, he may take it as a sign that you don’t like him enough, and stop contacting you.
Setting ground rules for yourself is important and safe, but you should follow your heart as well if it’s guiding you towards a real winner.
See Dating As a Marathon, Not a Sprint
So, you’ve been using a dating app or website for a few weeks without any single man standing out as a clear winner. That’s OK! You may get ghosted by guys you thought were great, go on milquetoast dates, and even feel rejected if you aren’t getting that many messages. Dating apps and websites are resources, not magic. They can help connect you with men, but there are so many factors that go into connecting with a real man that is right for you. Some apps and websites will make you appear less in their algorithm, because you aren’t online on their platform as much, to give just one example.
Be persistent and you’ll eventually meet that special man who makes you feel loved, cared for, and appreciated! Have you ever dated online? What are some of your dating tips?