How many times have you wanted to tell yourself or your girlfriends “He is a player, stay away from him (or her). No good can come from this.” Some people are just bad news as a partner. They may be the best friend or a “nice” guy or gal, but some are just plain old players wastin’ your time. I have asked some of my girlfriends about the traits of players, and here is our list. We can define a player as someone who does not want to be in a serious relationship and would rather have multiple relationships simultaneously. Someone who will have secrets and lies and still pretend that you two are the perfect fit. Online dating has amped this up even more and we definitely have to watch out for players. Most of us have no time to waste anymore! Here are some signs that should encourage you to run in a different direction or have a serious discussion. These assume you have been dating for a few months:
- He talks about himself. Nonstop. This could just purely be a selfish guy, but if all he does is talk about himself all the time and never asks anything about you, that probably means he is either only interested in himself or someone else. It is definitely not you.
- He disappears. If a guy disappears and stays too long without keeping in touch. You have to wonder why. And no, please don’t tell me he is too busy to call or write. Times have changed. We are all busy, but if you want to, you can still find time to text or call. Always ask yourself, where did he disappear to?
- He only texts, and rarely calls. Think about it. You can text from anywhere. But you can’t talk anywhere. If a guy doesn’t call you often, you have to wonder why. Does he text you at nights when he is at home too when he could just call? That’s a bit odd.
- He keeps his phone away from you, turns it upside down, or silences his phone. This is usually a red flag. Why should he do that? Do you do that? You don’t need to have his password, but if you think you are in a real relationship and the guy tries to confiscate his phone every time you have it in your hand, I would be alarmed. If he’s got nothing to hide, then he shouldn’t be nervous. If he is always texting when you are together, that is not good either.
- When his friends discuss women in a disrespectful manner. This is huge. If he has introduced you to his buds or you just ran into some of them, and all they talk about is women in a disrespectful way, then that is a red flag. That is happening most likely because that is just the way they always talk.
- Does not seem to careif you pay the bills. Men generally feel responsible for the woman they are serious with. They would not feel entirely comfortable with taking your money even if you are in a better financial position than they are. They will likely have pride about it.
- He avoids meeting your family or close friends. When a man is dating multiple women, it is difficult for them to meet the parents. They think it is too serious of a step and unnecessary.
- He gets angry when there is no intimacy. If your relationship is focused on intimacy in his mind, he will likely get upset or angry when there is not enough intimacy in your relationship.
- If you run into his friends or family, he does not introduce you or introduces you by your name as opposed to saying “my girlfriend”. Let’s face it. This has happened to so many of us. Definitely good to remember those moments.
- Does not mention you in future plans. When he tells you all about the prepaid trip he has next summer and does not mention you or the possibility of going with you if you are still dating.
- He discloses little information about himself. What’s there to hide? Anyone who is mysterious about their jobs, how they make money, their dating history, friends or family are all issues to consider.
- He comments on your looks more than your brains. If a guy is only infatuated by your looks, he will most likely focus on that only and compliment your looks 24/7. Yes we all need that and that is a great ego boost, but is it enough? Does he think you are smart? Is he attracted to you in other ways?
- Does not listen to you. If a guy never remembers a story you told or a situation you talked about at work, he is most likely checked out and has little to no interest in your life.
- He always spends the same days during the week or weekend with you. This is a huge red flag. How do you know what he is up to on other days of the week or weekend? Always try to shift things around and see what happens!
- He never spends weekends with you. Well, this one is usually a sign of an unfinished marriage or a person dating multiple people for sure. It could also be the case that he/she has custody of kids and that is why he cannot see you. Whatever it is, just make sure you ask.
- A lotta talk but not enough action. If a guy tells you everything you want to hear, and promises this dinner, and that vacation, and that going-away, and has never come through for the past five months you’ve been together, that is alarming. You have to wonder if he will ever come through on any of his promises.
Most of us have all dated or been a player at one point or another. Yes, I have seen men turn it around and be monogamous, but you have to see signs or effort of that early on. If you find that your man is dating a few women at once, you also need to watch and see how he handles it. Is he honest with you, does he brush it off or treat you differently?
Do you have any additional signs you would like to add to my list?